Guilt is my middle name. I carry around about 50 pounds of guilt and it is very wearing on my mind, my bones and my attitude. I stand on the scales at the doctor’s office and look into the nurses face and say, “Hey don’t look at me, that’s guilt.” But she writes the number down in my chart anyway. One visit I had actually lost five pounds and she smiled, but alas, it wasn’t five pounds of guilt.
How did it come to make a permanent home in my mother heart? When my kids acted out when they were young, guilt said, “You aren’t a very good mother if your kids behave this way.” When I lost my temper or responded in a negative way to their actions, guilt said, “You wouldn’t yell at your kids if you were a good mother.”
Once I told my boys they HAD to stay outside so I could take a nap, (something I desperately needed for their own good). Wouldn’t you know it, one of them cut his head and was bleeding (Now remember, head wounds bleed like you are gonna die even when they are a small cut). Too afraid to come in the house and wake the ‘wicked witch,’ my son bled all over the place and the boys were rather worried (understandably so). What did guilt say to me that day? You got it: “What a selfish, uncaring mother you are.” By the way it was a very minor cut needing no stitches.
Between two sons, we had five broken fingers one summer from basketball. When number one son broke his third finger I said, “No more trips to the doctor, I can tape it myself.” And I did. Number one son blames me to this day for his crooked finger. Still today I can hear guilt say, “Way to go. You were lazy and played doctor.”
Do I deserve it? Since I was trying hard to be a good mom I would like to say “No, I don’t deserve it.” But I own it now and I am just afraid it is here to stay. When I see my adult kids have struggles or problems or even make a mistake with their parenting, I am quick to grab a hold of that and add it to my pile of guilt.
I am constantly trying to lose those 50 pounds of guilt. I can’t believe how hard it is coping with guilt. The effort should be burning up calories. But I keep at it and each time that guilt rears it’s ugly head, I have to decide again if I want to own that guilt or not.
Now I pat myself on the back when one of my grown kids say to me, “Well, it is because you made us eat bottled cherries when we were kids.” Back off guilt. I say, “Yes, I did and they were good for you.”
Do you own a pile of guilt and have you found a way of coping with guilt? Please share because I think we need to lighten some loads this week.
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Oh I am positive we all own piles of guilt, in fact we bottle it along with the cherry’s to keep some in preserve for later. Lol!
Ah, the joy’s of motherhood.
But its nice to know that my guilt is the same as other Mom’s guilt. I am not the only one who blows up at my kids, I am not the only Mom who thinks I am the worst one on the planet. I am not the only one who strictly tells my boys them MUST stay outside so I can have some much needed alone time. Oh yes, I’ve done that too. This is my coping mechanism. ;D
Linda,
There was some humor in there somewhere, but it was mostly sad and so true that we make guilt our constant companion. Guilt has a brother named regret and regret is difficult to live with too. When that load of guilt and regret get too heavy, I think about the Savior and how disappointed he would be in me if he saw me carrying around that load after he gave so much so I wouldn’t have to. That’s how I cope and I have to remind myself of that quite often to lighten the load. Thanks for this great blog. I love it
If it makes you feel better I will try to sneak cherries into the next thing that I cook Becca and Tyler.
You can’t get through life without making mistakes and offending/hurting others. Luckily, for every negative thing you remember, there are more than 50 positive things you did to influence your children for good. I should know! I remember the disgusting, slimey cherries VERY vividly, but I also remember the parties you planned, the walks we took, the times you took me to the park, the trips to McDonald’s (which you hated, but took me anyway), the vacations, the special meals, the yummy desserts, the presents…Just think about all those good things and stuff the guilt under a rug somewhere- a rug in my house because I don’t clean as good as you, and I won’t notice it!
BTW, Rose, your comment is too funny!
So many feel like this but few are not courageous to say it. It’s hard but it feels good to know that I’m not alone
It seems that guilt (and his brother regret) seem to be the inevitable companions of most adults. I do hope you don’t give them much room in your heart as you have the most wonderful children. Let the love and pride you feel for your family smother any guilt or regret you may feel.