The Queen of Guilt
Some days I feel like I am the Queen of Guilt. Other days I tell myself to get over it and get on with life. And then there are days when I don’t feel guilty at all – freedom! But, there are days when I am burdened with guilt. I feel there are three types of guilt:
- True Guilt – guilt that is based on action. A guilt where you are sorrowful and want to change. It is a good guilt because it moves us to improve and change a wrong.
- Destructive Guilt – guilt from the wrong source. This guilt comes from our negative, repetitive thoughts. Or guilt that comes from negative comments of others.
- Guilty Pleasure – I think this is doing something that isn’t wrong but you know you shouldn’t. Like eating a complete bag of peanut M&M’s or reading your favorite book instead of cleaning the house. Maybe I look at guilty pleasure as giving ourselves a reward for doing something difficult or unpleasant.
Many years ago I attended a meeting where the speaker was talking about those wonderful negative recordings that go on in our mind – day in and day out. This is so true – we all have them. Those thoughts of: I should have done this or that. I drive myself crazy over them. I wake up at night and cannot sleep because my mind is going over and over why I did not do something right.
Let me share some major guilts of mine and a more positive, truthful way:
- Not following promptings about my children or others. Take time each day to see what you are doing right for your children. Remember the times that you listened to promptings and acted.Strive to listen and slow down to feel and act upon promptings you receive to help you raise and protect your children. Learn to act upon your inner feelings. Then you will be there when someone needs you.
- Not being the person I think others want me to be. This is a toughy. Unfortunately we all tend to compare ourselves to others and think we are less. We feel guilt that we do not measure up. It comes down to the basics. We are sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. He sees the great good in us and sees our divine potential. If we could only learn to see what he sees in us. But we can. We can feel his love by having a close relationship with him by praying daily. If we keep at it we will feel and know that we are each a beloved Child of God and of great worth.
- I have struggled with a major guilt after my mother’s death. Did I take care of her the best I could? Did she receive the respect and love she deserved? I can say yes and I can say no. I made mistakes and was impatient and downright angry at times. But there were so many more moments of love and compassion. What truly remains is the great love I have for her. Now I can understand when other caregivers told me that it was an honor to care for their parents.
My advice is to recognize that guilt can be good if it helps us to improve and change. But negative guilt is just no good! I think as we learn from life we begin to recognize this negative guilt. And as we get smarter we can just throw that negative guilt out and get on with doing good! And yes, after doing something difficult and challenging we can enjoy some guilty pleasure!
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Now what if when you feel guilty you make cookies?? That isn’t good either right?? lol
I like how you distinguish negative guilt from positive guilt. Positive guilt motivates us to be better. It pushes us forward and upward and then we are no longer dwelling on feeling guilty. Negative guilt holds us down and doesn’t let us progress. It’s a fine line, though, isn’t it?
Good guilt vs Bad guilt…like the classic cartoon with the angel on one shoulder talking into one ear & the devil on the other shoulder talking into the other! Either way, we (women specifically – I’m sure that it’s a girl thing!) feel the guilt! Hopefully most of us just beat ourselves up until we come to our senses & realize that getting down on yourself isn’t productive. It’s like the “woulda, shoulda, coulda” attitude – if I can’t fix it…I have to “let it go!” I think the “bad guilt” is one of Satan’s biggest tools to try to throw good people off course, leading to those feelings of worthlessness & hopelessness that often leads to depression – which is a whole other “something to talk about!”
I love how you remind us of the different kinds of guilt! There really are quite a lot, and it can be used for good or bad. My experience has been that I can usually see perfectly clear when it’s a justified guilt and when it’s not. When we do something wrong, we’re supposed to feel guilt. That feeling is what helps us to know it was wrong. But then we have to go and feel guilty about a lot of small stuff, which is just so self destructive. It goes back to following our “gut” or our “instincts”. We are the one who can control how much or how little “guilt” will play a role in our life!
This was very heart felt