Why do I have to go to Church? 

Well I’m not sure how to give advice to this question.  Attending church was just expected in our home and part of our lives.  And I think our children didn’t dare try not going.  But I sometimes wondered when they were over eighteen and driving if they ditched sometimes. 

When our children were young we just went to church.  Even on vacation.  We made it a top priority.  We didn’t give them a choice.  After they turned eighteen church attendance was up to them.  And they attended a young adult ward.  Our daughter was nervous to attend by herself and usually went with friends.  When our son graduated from high school he attended the young adult ward with his sister.  Over time he became more involved but didn’t attend all the extra activities. 

This time after high school graduation is scary for a parent.  You need to let go and let your children make their choices and live with the consequences.  We are grateful our children have continued to choose to attend church and make it priority in their lives.

Hi, my name is Vanessa and if I don’t watch myself I become addicted to technology very easily and my family suffers.

It is like this CONSTANT battle with me.  Often, it ends up in unplugging for a week at a time and once a month.

When I am online too much…that means with work or blogging or facebook or wasting time surfing or hurrying to meet deadlines…it doesn’t make me feel good.  I get snippy and withdrawn and tired and…….blahish.

Wait, did that description sound like a teenager? Oh my goodness, did I just say that phrase that I LIVIDLY hated when I was younger?

Yes I just did.  And its not true because all ages can get sucked in.  Even young mothers.

You know when I feel really good?  When I have very clear limitations that I…80% of the time keep…about when and how much I can be online. What feels good is talking to people face to face; playdates, lunches with friends, checking on a neighbor, going to an activity. What feels good is lots of time spent outside with the girls hiking or reading or field trips. What feels good is date nights and sitting next to my husband late at night both reading books. What feels good is friends who still use the PHONE who I can chat with to feel connected.

I feel like it’s ok if, in my down time instead of watching TV or reading a book, I can look at pictures or read blog posts! People sometimes even snicker when I tell them what I do for a living, but it’s what I do and it requires a certain amount of time online.

Clear limitations, rules for myself and sometimes just unplugging technology is what works for me!

It’s not just the kids or teenagers that have become addicted to technology.  Sometimes its the parents as well. And guess what? Those darn kids always learn by example.

OTRITFFUN

If these were Scrabble tiles, what could you spell?

The other night my son, his friend and myself had a nice game of Scrabble going.  Or at least they thought we did.  I felt like a petulant child as they set there at the table with me and texted to some friends and family members while moving their tiles around to spell a word.  To me it was a very boring and annoying game.  I could have played it totally by myself and had more fun. 

If I had had the above tiles I would have spelled:  TURN IT OFF. 

I have now banned cell phones from the dinner table and game night.  I will not even attempt to talk to my son if he is sitting in front of a computer screen.  Watching some TV with him the other night while he was on Facebook, I switched stations and he wasn’t even aware. 

Fortunately, he is my last one home and he is almost out the door on his own.  I will miss him but not the competition I feel with today’s technology.  But I can’t help but wonder how parents with a house full of children are dealing with the invasion of technology and still managing to communicate and have family time together.  Can it be done? 

Somehow it has too.  Somehow we need to find a way to use the advances in technology to improve our lives, help our families and make us smarter and faster without destroying our families. 

Please, dear readers, let’s hear from you.  How do you spell TURN IT OFF?

  Revealing 5 Secrets To Successful Grand Parenting 

Grandparents can be a vital part of a grandchild’s support system in teaching moral, social and spiritual values…working side by side with parents.   

Sometimes, grandparents are the only stable element in a child’s life, as evidenced by the increasing number of grandparents who are actually raising their grandchildren for one reason or another. 

Here are 5 tips that will help you to be a successful grandparent. 

1. Spend Time With Your Grandchildren.

 Inviting one grandchild at a time for an activity gives you precious one-on-one time.  Your activities could range from cooking a meal together, working in the garden, shopping, playing games, and a having a sleep-over. 

Taking a grandchild out for a meal and doing a little shopping has always been a hit with my grands.  It gives me the opportunity to visit with the child and find out what his individual interests are. One grandson calls me and asks, “Nana, can I come and spend the night? I need a break!”  Of course, I’m delighted that he chooses my home for his respite.   

Sleepovers are just the best.  Sometimes they come one at a time but, more often than not, their cousins, of similar age, join them.  We have a jolly good time eating, watching movies, and playing games.  Often we do simple crafts together.  

Choose activities that are unique to you, your budget and circumstances but spend time with your grandkids.  You can be a support to their parents and a positive influence on them in this unstable world.  

2. Listen to Your Grandkids

 Often times, grandparents become the sounding board for their grandkids. Kids love to share information about school and their friends to a listening ear. These conversations will help you to know each individual child better and understand his hopes and dreams. 

Other times, they may come to you with concerns.  Make it a point to listen without judgment and criticism so the child feels free to express his heart.  An over abundance of advice from you can slow the flow or stop the conversation.  Perhaps a subtle approach later would be wiser than giving too much advice at the time.  As the old adage says… “Timing is everything.” 

3. Teach Skills and Share Hobbies. 

Often, parents don’t have the time or energy to teach their child a particular skill; an extra “leg up” from you is a blessing.  You can support your grandkids and their parents by teaching or reinforcing everyday skills. 

I know a fourth grader who was having trouble with simple fractions.  Grandma had him over and they baked a cake together. The practical applications of measuring the ingredients helped reinforce the concept of fractions. 

A grandpa took his sixteen-year-old granddaughter under his wing and taught her how to check the oil and other fluids under the hood of her car. 

My grandma had a garden.  I helped her pick peas, shell them and prepare them for the freezer.  I not only learned a skill but it gave my grandmother the opportunity to tell me about her life while we were working together. The stories are still vivid in my mind. 

Don’t assume your grandkids know how to do everything. Teaching them simple skills will build their self-esteem as well as give you another opportunity to bond with them. 

4.  Read To Your Grandkids

 Children love a good story.  Sitting down and snuggling up together with an age appropriate book can create an important bond. 

My “Grandma Library” is a special collection.  These books can’t be used unless we sit down and read them together. When I suggest we read a book, the children run to select their favorites from a special bookshelf.  It’s humorous that they often choose the same book over and over again, and that’s fine with me.  The most important consideration is that we read together and enjoy each other’s company. 

Several years ago, a couple of my older grandsons went with me to the library and we picked up the classic chapter book, “The Boxcar Children” by Gertrude Chandler.  It was a nice summer afternoon and we sat on the tailgate of my car and I began to read.  When darkness fell upon us, we had to suspend our story until a later time. We had been reading the book for over four hours. The boys still talk about that afternoon. 

5.  Build and Share Traditions 

Traditions can bind a family together giving children a sense of belonging.  Traditions create memories that are often passed from one generation to another. 

One grandmother takes each grandchild shopping and to lunch before the new school year begins.  On Halloween, another grandma has chili and donuts before the kids go out door-to-door to collect their treats.  The logs in the fireplace are lit, marking the beginning of the fall season. 

One granddaughter and three grandsons come to my home for a sleepover Thanksgiving eve. They wash down the tables and bring up the extra chairs from the basement. The good dishes and flatware from the china cupboard are used to set a formal table.  I keep thinking they’ll lose interest in this tradition but so far they haven’t and one of my grandsons is thirteen. 

Create traditions in your family that your grandkids will remember and will want to take with them into the future when they have their own children. 

What traditions do you have in your family?  

We are important in the lives of out grandchildren… as they are to ours.  

Til later,

 Kathy Griffiths

Insightful Nana 

Resource box. 

Kathy Griffiths, Insightful Nana, is the mom to 4 wonderful children and 15 grands.  She resides on the Wasatch Front in Utah.   She can be found at http://insightfulnana.com where her site focuses on women and family issues. 

Every adult has a different personality and shows their love, affection and interest in a different way. With that said I do think that every Grandparent should abide by these super important rules. Feel free to take notes! Look at me Miss Know it All

#1 Hugs & Kisses & Cuddles

Cuddles reading a book together, HUGE bear hugs as you see them for the first time in a while, big kisses on the cheeks. Physical affection is important. I had a very serious very manly very cowboyish Grandpa would isn’t like me who likes to gives big wet sloppy kisses on the lips and hug my kids to death. BUT all the pictures I look of him and I we are reading books together squished up tight, he is sitting as close as he can to us and boy those WELCOME HERE hugs they felt the best. Everyone is different with physical affection but it needs to be there.

#2 Spoiling

Sneaking cookies or candy so Mom can’t see. A special birthday cake. A new toy sitting on their bed. Playing WHATEVER they want for hours. Packages in the mail and special trips when they come to visit. And as the Mom I just get to zip it and let go and let the Grandparents do their very important spoiling business!

#3 Talking

I know my parents will cringe when I say this but…I remember talks with my Grandparents a lot more than with my parents. Their patience and how interested they were in you. Boy that felt good! And the advice they gave SOMETIMES I listened. I still remember my sister Sarah and I fighting like cats and dogs. My Mom would have it up to here and call her Mom who would talk to us. I could listen to Grandma but of course not my Mother. (sorry Mom) She wasn’t already frustrated with dealing with me and said everything in a soothing but firm voice. My Grandma is the one I would call late at night in Boston with my husband travelling almost the whole month long. She is the one who would talk to me for hours and hours and it made me feel so good.

#4 Telling Them How it IS and WILL Be

You know some of my good characteristics and things that are the most important to me are the things that my Grandparents INSISTED on. Oh yes you DO sing in church. And so help me you have good handwriting. And you say THANK YOU when someone does something nice for you. You stay away from evil things and don’t you dare watch bad movies. YES MAM! And thank you for having the spunk to tell me HOW IT IS AND WILL BE. That is ok for Grandparents to do to.

#5 Remember and MISS YOU

Do things that will help them remember you. They don’t have to be extravagant or cost a lot of money or drain all your energy for days and days. Are they going to remember how you always like to hold their hand as you go on walks? How you let them sit in your big old truck and honk the horn all you want? Or how you stayed up late with them reading them fairy tales every night you were in town? Give them all you have when you see them and then rest later. Guess what? Grandparent time IS kind of selfish time. Those kiddos deserve to soak in YOU and only YOU and tire you out so you sleep for 2 days straight when you finally get back home. No saying Grandma is tired or maybe later. Read those books, go on those walks, color with pudding and stay up late giggling. The time is going to go by so incredibly fast. It does for us as Mothers, I can’t imagine how fast it goes for Grandparents.

Oh goodness me look I am bawling, I miss my Grandparents. I wish they didn’t have to go so soon.

Boy my girls are lucky to have the perfect Grandparents on Earth, someday they will know how lucky they are.